I deserve to die alone.

Don’t ask me why I think so. It’s just what’s been going through my head. “I’ll bleed myself out on to the floor, Before I have to think of you anymore”

It’s Amazing.

I have had a girlfriend for the past 5 months. I was seriously in love with this girl. She went off to college a few weeks ago and everything was peachy. I knew the risks of being in a relationship with such an attractive girl, yet I was foolish enough to stay. Come last night, I knew something was wrong. She had been talking to me less and less and less. The span between our texts going from 1 hour to 4 hours to almost a day apart. I can understand that she’s in college and busy, but all I wanted from her was to know that she was safe at night so I wouldn’t have to worry about her, yet she couldn’t even tell me that. I was the last thing on her list, right under douche bags that were trying to play her, and I started noticing this change. I would text her once an hour or so, trying to initiate a conversation. I would text her almost 15 times a day trying to get her to talk to me. My heart would jump in my chest if she did and I would be ecstatic. I thought I was being creepy and overly obsessed, but I just wanted to see how she was doing. So I message her on facebook, call her, and send her a text because I just wanted to here her voice, Lo and behold I got to hear it alright. She messaged me back on facebook telling me it was over. We then talked on the phone for about 5 minutes discussing the end of us. I didn’t want us to end, but I knew if we stayed together she would be out fucking some college guy and I would be here alone like I’ve been used to my whole life. And that’s exactly what happened. Here I am alone. She ended it with me telling me I deserve better. And I do.

Before this I thought I would be sad, I thought I would be suicidal, I thought I would never get over her. But oddly enough, I’m not sad, I’m not suicidal and my life is now full of steady outlook because the one thing that made me shaky is gone. I didn’t want her to go but honestly we talk more now that we’re done, and I’m sure she’s happy with her new boyfriend. I’m happy with my life again because now I don’t have to worry about her texting me back, talking to me, or what she’s doing, I can just do me. Since she broke up with me i’ve learned 2 songs on guitar. Funny thing is; I just learned how to play it last week! I have a new drive for life and it’s because I no longer have something to worry about! sure I miss her, but it’s better this way. I hope she is happy never getting married or having kids like she dreams, but I’m sure all the hookups she’ll have in college won’t lead to her getting pregnant or an STD or a reputation. Ha. I fell out of love in less than 24 hours, and I must say: It’s Amazing.


I just broke up with my boyfriend…


Everybody at school today: Omg it's suicide awareness day you're all so beautiful, nobody should have to go through that, I don't understand how anybody could be made to feel like that.
Everybody at school normally: Ew she's so fat
Everybody at school normally: Why would you cut yourself lol emo
Everybody at school normally: Oh you want to kill yourself? Attention seeker
Everybody at school normally: Stupid slut I hope you die
Everybody at school normally: You're ugly don't even look at us




so true.